29 October 2013 ~ 1 Comment

Halloween is Stupid

I hate Halloween. Why? Because it’s stupid — unless you’re under the age of twelve. If that’s the case and you’re reading this right now, GO TO SCHOOL.

Every year I suffer through the same dreadful costumes, see the same stupid decorations, hear the same stupid music, and eat the same awful Candy Corn. I could be describing Christmas, but there’s something about wearing a sweater with a giant reindeer on the front I kind of like. Maybe this year I’ll finally buy that sweater.

Like most kids, I used to like Halloween. It used to be fun dressing up as a vampire or whatever and get free candy emptied into my pillow sack. But somewhere along the lines the magic of the holiday faded, and now all I feel around Halloween is an intense and inescapable hatred. A person can only hear Monster Mash so many times before going into a white hot rage.

If you sing this, you should be put to sleep.

Unfortunately my hatred of Halloween is equaled by my love of candy. Considering my girth, there hasn’t been much candy I’ve turned away over the years. I say we end Halloween and just have a yearly celebration of candy. Except Candy Corn.

And please, PLEASE, no more Monster Mash.

One Response

  1. Debby McCormick 1 November 2013 2:09 am Permalink

    A Treat!! Lewis Black and candy corn – thanks! Joe.